Is a long distance relationship worth it ?

Long-distance relationships are not made for everyone. It can be difficult to keep up with each other when you live miles away, so you have to find ways to keep each other interested. It can be difficult to maintain, especially if neither of you has the time or energy for it.

A long-distance relationship can be a bright spot in our day .. especially if we don’t have much of a life or are not interested in much. It can also give us a dream of a better-future to hang onto. LDRS can be positive during a pandemic lock-down, when we CANNOT get out and live a full life, and when we have NO idea what tomorrow will hold.

But for normal living conditions, they are not very advisable.

First of all, they are not actual relationships. Since 90% of what we grasp about and share between us and another comes NOT from the VERBAL content, but from the NON-VERBAL cues .. you can only relate 10% to someone you are not with in-person. LDR’s DO create a sense of “pseudo-understanding” that can be very appealing, that we WANT to believe in .. but it is not about reality.

So most of long-distance ‘relationships’ are little more than a shared fantasy. We don’t even know for SURE if the person’s situation is what they claim it is .. let along having the opportunity to learn WHO they are BY observing them in person, as they relate to others, make decisions, and react to annoyances.

The drawbacks of an LDR are:

• The more attached we become to the fantasy, the more we hate our REAL life and the more unhappy we become.
• Since there is only 10% communication, most of what we think is going on is our own wishful thinking superimposed over reality.
• And since there is such genuine communication, our own fears start to take over we see the other person.
• Misunderstandings are difficult to fix, since there are none of the non-verbal cues to create a sense of reassurance.
• And if we DO get together with them, our fantasy about them will carry us along for a while .. but as that starts to disintegrate, MOST LDR’S become very difficult and painful and end badly. Because the fantasy we have become so attached to cannot live up to the reality of who the other person actually IS.
• Finally, many men are motivated to seek a relationship for the physical contact. They cannot get that from an LDR, and sooner or later some lady WHERE they live catches their eye and they drop the LDR.